The Roasted Birth Plan

I can’t claim to have authored this most hysterical satire on birth plans, but I will say that the person who did write it is one of the most compassionate and capable physicians I know – in addition to being extremely midwife, doula, hypno-birth and birth plan friendly. She just recently had a baby and wanted to poke a little fun at the whole process and arrived on the labor unit with this birth plan in hand. The nurses had to do a double-take before they realized it was all in good fun.

Dr. Roast’s Birth Plan

Pain Control: We are opposed to torture. However, we believe that labor is not truly painful, and therefore plan on using a butterfly and fairy based hypnosis performed by my husband during times that are more “intense”.

Midwife Mecca: Reflections of a Physician Leader

“I don’t know what to DO with you, so I’m just going to treat you like a resident,” I hear the OB doc say to our newly minted midwife.

My toes curl and I am searching the white walls of the hospital for a rock to crawl under. The midwife is trying to hold onto her best poker face and fight back the tears from coming out. She knows that shedding a tear would admit defeat. I suddenly feel a bit sad for the fact that we had placed her in a facility that was devoid of midwifery for the past 15 years.

“I can do it,” she said proudly during her interview. “I know it will take time and we will have to move slow, but I am up to the challenge.”